This moment is as it should be

A lot of our suffering in life comes about when we are struggling with our current circumstances. It applies to all things in life, big and small. What we were hoping for turns out differently from the way we expect. Romantic relationships that we thought and hoped would be forever, end. Sudden illnesses bringing sharp changes to our lives, force us to adapt.

I’m in a transition period where I’m not going in a particular direction, no milestones to reach, no new goals to accomplish. Things are going well overall. I have a job where I can essentially live anywhere (at least in the US), I’m healthy, I get to practice yoga and go for walks in nature within a fifteen minute drive, organic and delicious foods are readily available, and I live in a safe environment as much as Oakland can provide.

It feels a bit strange to not have any conflicts to struggle through or relationship quandaries to seek understanding. I actually can think and plan and just enjoy what life has to offer.

Now I realize what it is that I’m feeling in this moment. Contentment. It’s admittedly a foreign feeling but I’m going to enjoy the moment while it lasts.

Last Sunday gave me pause though. I waited until the morning of the antique market to decide I wasn’t going but then changed my mind and went anyway later in the afternoon. On the way to the antique market, there was inexplicable congestion to the parking lot so we accepted that time was short and turned around and switched to plan B. Plan B was a disappointment when we couldn’t find the location of the new cafe and when we did find it, it was closed, an hour earlier than what was posted online. Plan C was a bust when the pop up ran out of dough two hours before the projected end. So what did I learn from this day?

If you’re going to be ambitious about what you want to do, you have to plan for it. So that if your plans don’t play out, you can at least have comfort in knowing that you tried. Then it’s up to you to find something else to give you joy. Be spontaneous. Do something new.

And if you didn’t plan for all the things you want, the same solution applies. Find something else to give you joy.

Having a plan is good. Having a realistic plan and overestimating the time you need is even better. But regardless of how many backup plans you have, forces beyond your control may still thwart your plans, leaving you wanting. Sometimes the only thing to do is accept that things didn’t turn out as you had hoped. And tomorrow is another day to try again.

What is happiness?

I’m going to revisit this topic repeatedly. When someone asks me if I am happy, I am left flummoxed. It’s such a complicated question that can’t be answered with a yes or no. For me, it’s usually a qualified answer as well. I am happy right now but yesterday, oh boy, I’ll tell you about yesterday….

We tend to feel that when things go our way, we’re happy. When we buy that new car, that new house in the neighborhood, that new dress, when we get that promotion we’ve been working so hard towards, we have that sense of accomplishment and the feelings of elation that we did what we sought to do.

But how long do those feelings of happiness last before we start looking towards something new and different?

Happiness is feeling content with what we have and not craving for more. For most of us, it’s a temporary state of being before we become dissatisfied and start feeling like something is missing.

Why should there be a void? Why do those feelings of contentment leave us?

I was feeling happy being here in this cafe, being in this lovely garden surrounded by people speaking in pleasant tones enjoying their friends, family, good food. With music that seemed to waft overhead as though dancing slowly. I felt safe and secure and settled.

But for someone who doesn’t like coffee, they would have thought my latte was too bitter. For someone who enjoys frugality, my $5 coffee would have been overpriced. For someone who was wearing a t-shirt and from Florida, sitting outside in 55 degree temperature would have been too uncomfortable. We alone decide how we will respond to our circumstances and sometimes, most times, it’s not even a fully conscious decision. We may be reacting subconsciously based on our conditioning from past experiences with our family, friends, parents, coworkers, strangers, marketing and advertisements

Happiness is within our control. Being content with what we have is within our control. It’s about attitude and expectation and managing both.