That’s what my sister toasted to me on Valentine’s Day. That was the first time, I’ve heard of that rewording. Truth be told, I kept thinking she was garbling her words as she repeated it to me. But I like it. I wonder if there’s a male equivalent, “Guylentine’s” though I highly doubt it. Galentine’s Day is more about showing love and appreciation for gal pals, besties, sisters in life, ourselves. I don’t see guys gathering doing pedicures and manicures and drinking champagne like my sister and I did last year. But then again a night of self care and bonding in a guy’s world might be hanging out to play board games, drinking beer, and having it labeled as simply a guy’s night out.
It’s been a long time since I haven’t been partnered up or not dating anyone on Valentine’s Day. It feels slightly foreign to me.
During the afternoon, I walked around Oakland passing pedestrians carrying bouquets or boxes of flowers to be delivered to their beloved. Arizmendi’s special Valentines’ pastries were almost sold out by noon. I triumphantly managed to score one of the last. Floral shops were buzzing with energy as customers flocked around the grand masters as they did their artistry with flowers. Driving through Berkeley, seeing young kids (ok, they were probably college kids) with bouquets in hand, tugged at my heart. Somehow their youth made it seem especially poignant and sweet, that they cared or hadn’t yet become cynical about love.
But then Valentine’s Day isn’t just about romantic love, it’s also about extending platonic love and affection to our friends and even our family. We knew this in elementary school as we passed Valentine cards to each other, among boys and girls alike. It was all very democratic in a way, and I remember doing an inventory at the end of the school day counting my Valentine cards and my candy hearts like I did at Halloween after treat or treating. It was fun and lighthearted. Yet somehow as adults our view of Valentine’s Day has narrowed as we grew older and our capacity to share love beyond our intimate relationships seemed to have gotten smaller and smaller. Similar to other holidays that have been commercialized like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, Valentine’s seems to have its own niche audience. Most attention is directed towards romantic partners and lovers and there is little space for singles. No wonder, we lose sight of the most neglected love of all on this holiday – self love.
As Oscar Wilde once said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance.” How we love ourselves is how we teach others to love us – gently with loving kindness, compassion, and without judgement. For some of us, it’s innate. For others like me, it takes a lot of unlearning to start learning the right way. This year, I embraced Galentine’s Day and bought flowers for myself and I got exactly what I wanted. That was kind of an awesome feeling.