I’ve read that when people have near death experiences, their lives, if they survive, are forever altered. Their perspective becomes crystal clear and they see the harmony that exists in the universe that they were never before aware of. They see that everything is as it should be, in this moment. They have awakened to the beauty and true nature of life.

But how do we awaken this clarity within ourselves without resorting to putting ourselves in danger? How do we awaken our minds without having a near death experience?

We typically live our days with many distractions, busying ourselves with work, children, parents, family, daily obligations that can go on and on without end. We can go from task to task, chore to chore, email to email, and by the end of the day, we fall exhausted to our beds to awaken to another list of tasks, exercises, and duties. Most people live out their days like this with the same routines only to awaken at their deathbed and wonder what their whole life was about anyway. But me, I did the opposite. I tended to think too much or as my partner used to say, I perseverated. I spun in circles.

My ex-husband used to take it a step further and tease me that my middle name was regret. Admittedly, my life has been mostly led by decisions made in doubt, or sliding into decisions while remaining simultaneously noncommittal, or waiting until too much time has passed making other choices obsolete. I struggled with constant doubt with nearly every decision. I wanted to make the one right choice but think about all choices long enough, pretty soon, one by one, none of them look like good options. But why?

We’ve been conditioned since the early part of our lives to think that there are either right or wrong choices. We’ve been conditioned by the people who seem to have the answers, our parents, teachers, or the mainstream media until we grew up and realized that no one really knows the right answer. They were just really good at convincing they did and they were doing the best they could too!

I never learned to trust myself and were always looking to others for the “right” answer. The more I leaned on others for guidance in making decisions, the less I trusted myself. It was a slow decline into low esteem and confidence that knew no bottom.

But I’m coming to a sneaky suspicion that life is truly a game. Who knows how life would have been better if I had chosen path B, as opposed to path A? Partner A versus partner B? Once one deliberates and thoughtfully weighs the benefits and cons of choices, the choice ultimately selected is as likely to succeed as the other. No one living is omnipotent to tell you otherwise.

And how do we know when we’ve considered all our options? I don’t believe we can ever eliminate all our options in life. There is an infinite number of choices for just about everything. Just look at the number of choices of peanut butter brands in your local grocery store and you’ll get dizzy pretty quickly. But who’s going to stand around deliberating on every brand of peanut butter before deciding on one? Unless you’re really particular about peanut butter, you pick the one you ate last and enjoyed. Done.

We’re faced with countless decisions every day, some we choose subconsciously out of habit, some we take a moment to think, others where we are thoughtful and methodical and more thorough in considering before choosing. Trusting in oneself, doesn’t mean that it’s going to be unequivocally the right choice or that the same choice would be the right choice every time. It’s simply the choice I have chosen in that moment but trusting myself to be thoughtful and aware as much as I am able while making decisions. That’s really all we can do.

If we can let go of what we believe our lives are supposed to look like which is mostly based on past programming anyway, and simply pay attention and see what life is showing us, then we can live our lives with such richness that we didn’t even know existed.

Zen buddhism emphasizes immediate action. If there is anything that needs to be done, do it immediately. Don’t overthink it. But be thoughtful. Calculate the risks and and then take action. Like the Reebok slogan, “Just do it.” Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure Reebok was led by Zen and not the other way around. The point is, when we start questioning ourselves as we’re thinking through a decision, there is too much interference in our brains; then we wobble and we make mistakes. So take the risk. Go for it and make adjustments as necessary. Once we are on the path, we may find that other avenues open along the way, those we couldn’t see at the start probably because we were too preoccupied with making the decision to start to see anything else. And contrary to what Hollywood shows us, life does give us more opportunities than just one. More than one great love, great job, etc, etc. It may be different or the same, but opportunities for second chances will come. I’ll be better prepared for them when they arise if I am aware of what’s in front of me and not fixated on the past or dreaming of the future. The past can teach us valuable lessons as long as it doesn’t make us so afraid to repeat our mistakes that we become immobilized in the present. Life is too short to wait around for what we believe are the “perfect” conditions, the “perfect” time, the “perfect” partner to enjoy what you have right at this moment. Start today. Start where you are, imperfect as we are. Each day can present a new beginning if only we can see it that way.