Proudly, my mom boasted to her nurse at Fountain valley Hospital that she had brought us together. It was true. All nine kids were called back, and all eventually even the estranged eldest daughter came to her bedside. But how long did that last? A short minute. The briefest moment in time.
Our mom fell down the stairs in her home on June 9. From that day forward, I’ve been spinning in place, and going nowhere. I haven’t moved forward in work and my romantic life is full of old ghosts.
Our mom is the strongest willed, most wily person I’ve known. All nine of us siblings have been trying to anticipate her next decision but to no avail. She’s so good at making up stories that have just enough of the hint of truth to make us believe. No one really knows for sure when she’s telling the truth. Being a child of two wars, she’s a survivor with an ironclad sense of self preservation. With our mom, it’s every man for himself and here I am, the easiest mark. It was only in the last few years of the pandemic, did I even consider setting boundaries with my mom. Boundaries was not even on my radar. In my distorted mind, it was what others did, others who played by the rules. I was unconventional, avant garde. I didn’t have rules.
How arrogant was I? I didn’t know I was arrogant, that’s how arrogant I was.
I think it started at the beginning of 2022 when I called for a family meeting among the siblings to address taking care of our mom. The financial and emotional burden of caring for her and the house was weighing on me and my older brother. Looking back on what I thought was a burden seems like a fond memory now. We talked to one another like we were strangers, navigating so many old conflicts, needing a moderator to corral us in case we were unruly. The first meeting never led to the series of meetings since I lost a bit of momentum as it came time to make decisions. But we reunited when our mom fell. Now, I don’t even know where to start. There are so many decisions to make but I can’t procrastinate like I’ve tended to do in the past. Too many people involved and the consequences are more dire.
I had always known our mom was a complicated human. I just didn’t know how complicated she could make everything around her. Now more than ever, I have to stay centered and not lose myself while taking care of her.