About a month or so ago, I happened to come upon a 50th birthday celebration on the lawns of the Huntington Beach Hyatt. I seemed like a fabulous and festive way to celebrate and it made me a little disappointed in myself that I had no plan for my own 50th. The last few months have been focused on mom and has been unceasingly turbulent. It seemed unseemly to want to celebrate anything. I had entertained a notion that I’d go to NYC and eat my way through it but that idea seemed so outdated and a little too indulgent that it never made it pass the conceptual phase.
To my surprise, TiTi offered to fly home to help me celebrate. The day started off favorably with a breakfast with my younger sisters. Aster was a mirror image of her mom in temperament and mien. It made me nostalgic just looking at her. It was also roasting hot with an unseasonable temperature and ended by breaking temperature records. But it was more than worth it to spend the morning with Darlene and Aster. That in itself was a wonderful gift. Afterwards, TiTi and I took a hike through Bolsa Chica state park, during which the whole time I felt melancholy. It was impossible to enjoy when I couldn’t stop worrying about mom.
To my delight and slight chagrin, on the way back to the car, I discovered that Darlene had generously gifted me money to be used for the Korean spa, Irvine spa. Delight because now I felt compelled to go despite my initial hesitation and chagrin, because I felt concern (as only an older sister would) that she should have saved the money for herself and her family. Brilliantly, she instinctively knew I had some hesitancy in treating myself, even if it was my birthday. My hesitancy may be another indication of how much I undervalue myself. I would not deny someone their need to take care and time to nurture themselves yet I can’t help but think that it’s indulgent for myself. If I’ve learned anything from the experience of my mother’s fall, it’s to remind myself that I should stop overthinking things and just live life with as much joy as I can muster and not postpone the joy for another day.
Seemingly on cue, just as TiTi and I were about to get dressed after our relaxing but short sojourn in the spa, we got a call to contact my older sisters urgently. Apparently, our mother had “escaped” from home and our brother, was en route to “rescue” her. In suspended disbelief, we gathered our belongings but with no particular urgency, made our way back home. My eldest sister seemed reluctant to go to dinner but somehow, the call to rush to our mom’s aid actually did the reverse for me. I suddenly felt liberated as though, I could finally enjoy my birthday. My mom would always somehow find a way to complicate her life, through her decisions she had made. But I realized now, that I also had a choice to whether be caught up in the tide of her drama or I could remain centered within myself and decide whether or not to react.
Unexpectedly, I had the loveliest dinner with TiTi and Chi Ha. The food was yummy, the atmosphere was festive, and the company was so pleasant. Even our server was a sweetheart, giving me a generous discount off our bill and comping us our drinks. Our table on the terrace of Rum Social was reminiscent of eating at the restaurant within the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland, another place I considered spending my birthday. Having my birthday dinner at Rum Social was a fitting alternative. While my dinner(s) weren’t on the scale of a lavish birthday party with 50 of my friends, it was the best way I could spend it now, eating good food and being with the people I loved. And it certainly was memorable.