One of the life long challenges that I constantly struggle with is letting go of attachments. I tend to hold onto things, people, and opinions long after they no longer serve me. I’ve downsized my apartment by bagging up things that I think I no longer need but they’ll still sit in my closet in a holding period for a month or two just so I can be sure that I don’t really need them.

I hear this statement or variations of it frequently, “Letting go of something frees space for something new and better to enter.” My mom’s version is similar, “You have to remove the old door before you can bring in the new one.”

Why do statements like this become old adages? Because they’re true! But did I think it applies to me? Of course not.

I’ve never paid attention to this wisdom thinking myself so clever. A year ago, if you looked at my storage space for clothes , you would have seen that I just became more organized and made everything (old and new) fit. I was quite proud of myself. Proud and arrogant – two attributes not conducive for self improvement.

These past couple of days have been spent sorting and organizing one of the unoccupied rooms that has become a storage unit. It’s like going shopping at a vintage shop where everything fits me! I love it. The clothes span so many different trends over the years. Some of the clothes date back to my childhood to as recent as the last couple of months. They’re all jumbled together. It’s been a lot of fun reliving memories from when I remembered having worn them last. Some of the clothes are from Justin’s past girlfriends who had great taste as well as a healthy checking account. Those I’ll keep.

Then they’re some where there are some stains that are decades old. Before I even contemplate trying to figure out how to get rid of the stains, I put them in the To-Go pile. “To – Go” doesn’t mean take out but going to where they’ll find a happy home.

A few jackets that were not fitting as well, I was holding on to with the slimmest of hopes that they really did look cute. But judging from the expression on my mom’s face when I modeled them for her, I could tell she thought they were marginally fitting or flattering. Marginal no longer meets the keep criteria. It’s 80% or better satisfaction or it’s gone. Asking, “Do I love it?” doesn’t really work either. Love is too subjective and it depends on my mood at the time.

I’ve come up with a rubric to screen out my clothes. I ask myself “Is it an enduring style, is it flattering, and free of stains? If it meets all the criteria, it goes in the keep pile.

If I can master this technique for letting go clothes, can I apply a similar approach to life’s major decisions?

In aiming to keep life simple, I need to decide what is most important to me. Whatever does not serve my priorities needs to be let go. Top priority is health, then happy family life, financial security, and lastly job satisfaction.

In a happy family life, there are my blood relatives, parents and siblings and then there’s my life partner or to be accurate, lack of partner. While we can’t choose our blood relatives, we can escape from them eventually. “One’s family is only escapable by two things, marriage, and death. Both seem unlikely in the immediate future.” -Anne Elliot (Persuasion)

In regards to my ideal life partner, I’ve decided that I have to plan for success in that realm and prepare myself to be able to receive them when they arrive. Each one of my relationships has offered lessons in life and progressively have become more fulfilling and consequently, the latter ones have also become more difficult for me to detach and move on.

For a life partner, there are all the baseline criteria that must be met before even considering moving to the monogamous phase: honesty, financial security, being family oriented, and compatiblity in life direction, personality, and sense of humour.

Then the nitty gritty criteria that can only be demonstrated over time: Is my partner supportive, loving, kind, and enables me to become the best version of myself? They go in the keep pile. Then comes the sexual compatibility category. That will be tested last. This reordering of priorities will be new for me, which is embarrassing to admit. I’ve been known to be the one who usually gets swept away early on by the endorphins and oxytocin which to date has only led to heartbreak. But if the last test is successful, they will go in the “keep forever” pile which isn’t really a pile since they’re people and there will only be one left standing.

With my 50th birthday, it’s about time I apply a little more restraint and wisdom to my actions. I’m tired of investing myself, my heart into someone and then being left with disappointment and sadness. Is it really a numbers game? If you meet enough people, eventually you’ll find your match? Doesn’t sound like a smart use of time and energy. Instead, it sounds exhausting and maybe requiring a stronger sense of optimism that I find scarce at the moment. For now, I’ll work on myself to grow, transform, and release hidden potentials within myself and find the balance in my life where I can truly shine my light. That light will shine the pathway for my ideal partner to arrive. And that ladies and gentlemen, is my plan.